Q&A with Eve our brand ambassador.

1) Firstly- how are you? And tell everyone about yourself,

I’m Eve, a 31 year old mother of two who recently swapped London life for the Essex coast and my instant answer was “I’m good!” which would be an absolute lie. It’s all too common of me and countless others with mental health issues who feel they should minimise and hide their problems to appear more palatable to others. 

Things are tough at the moment but I’m coping and taking life day by day. It’s an approach that doesn’t always feel fair or sustainable but at times is necessary and thankfully, never permanent.

2) Can you share your personal journey with mental health and how it has shaped your perspective?

I struggled with my mental health throughout my teenage years but too many of those difficulties were written off as growing pains. Predictably without intervention those struggles intensified with age and trauma and I spent some time on an adolescent mental health ward before heading to university where I met my husband of 10 years now and found a sense of stability, having my eldest child when I 23.

It all came crashing down the following year when my incredible brother ended his life. Grief is a beast with very sharp teeth and it totally destroyed everything. My brother remains the most impactful and beautiful person I’ve ever known and I grappled with complicated feelings of anger and regret alongside what was eventually diagnosed as bipolar disorder. During that time I had countless admissions to acute psychiatric wards often detained under the mental health act and really lost all sense of myself and sight of a future in the despair of grieving and the instability of my mental health. 

In autumn of 2021 I was detained in hospital and facing the prospect a long admission that really made me reevaluate my situation. For the first time in too many years I gave myself a chance. I committed to the idea of getting better and began complying more consistently with treatment and working hard to remove negative influences from my life. I’d love to say it was then that I rode off into the sunset of recovery but I’ve faced a few harsh curveballs since (particularly during my second pregnancy and the postpartum period that followed) but I’ve had a more successful grasp on managing my mental health in that time. The ups still go too far up at times and the downs can be terrifying and hard to navigate, but I’ve built a great network of support around me and cultivated a resilience in myself that has given me a life I’m finally proud to be living, even when things are difficult.

3) We connected on Instagram when i saw how open and honest you are around mental health What motivated you to start speaking openly about your mental health experience?

I felt a deep sense of loneliness when my brother died, it was my first time navigating grief and the taboo of suicide and I couldn’t see my situation or my brothers reflected in many conversations both in person or online. I sit at an uncomfortable intersection of having experienced the pain of losing someone to their mental health and having the same thoughts and struggles myself - it’s a horrible and conflicting position to be in but one that has given me a perspective that feels important to share. I also talk a lot about the difficulties and realities of juggling mental illness with motherhood as it feels important to show other parents or future parents with mental health issues that we aren’t inherently incapable of raising fantastic children. 

I haven’t always got that right, oversharing to an unhelpful degree at times and lacking essential boundaries, but I’m always incredibly grateful when I make any sort of impact on a person and even more so when my brothers story does. I never want to reduce him to his mental health as he was so many wonderful things but I know he’d be proud that his legacy is supporting others.

4)What were some of the biggest challenges you faced when you first sought help for your mental health?

Heartbreakingly the same challenges I’m facing almost 20 years on - a healthcare service that cannot always provide the essential support that too many people are waiting for. As a teenager struggling with self harm I left my first appointment with a leaflet and the promise of a follow up that never happened. Now in my thirties I have a kitchen cupboard full of leaflets and crisis numbers to tide me over as I stagnate on waiting lists.

5) What are some effective coping strategies or techniques that have worked for you?

Distract and delay are two of the biggest techniques I deploy when things feel too heavy. Help doesn’t always arrive in a timely fashion, whether that’s emotional support or medication titration, there is always an element of waiting. So it’s important to me that I distract myself and not let my thoughts ruminate on the worst possible outcomes. I have a tendency to lean into catastrophic thinking and although that’s definitely something I need to work on, not letting myself slip down that spiral by preoccupying myself until further support is available always helps.

Delay is the conscious effort to put roadblocks in my own way when my thoughts reach their darkest and come too close to becoming action. I make promises to myself, to my children and my friends for future events I will attend and I remove objects of potential harm from my possession to add the obstacle of time. It’s of course a cliche that time heals anything but it’s a proven fact that suicidal and self destructive urges are often impulsive or able to change and lessen with time - thoughts and feelings can and will change, so it’s crucial not to take irreversible action.

It’s important to note that there are times that my mental health issues stop me from having the ability or insight to use any beneficial techniques, which is why it’s important to surround yourself with people who can spot the signs of those episodes and advocate in your best interest when you aren’t able to.

6) Can you talk about the importance of raising mental health awareness? 

It is fantastic to see an increase in conversations around mental health but too many lack inclusivity or respect the diverse spectrum that mental health encompasses. I think it’s important to have a chorus of voices raising awareness and demanding action but it’s essential that includes those with severe and enduring mental illnesses that often aren’t discussed. It also needs to include those from cultural backgrounds that are more likely to face stigma and those from communities who are statistically less likely to access or have access to support. Not every person will have a mental illness, but each of us has emotional wellbeing and each of us can face times of hardship and it’s important that relatable and accessible resources exist for all.

And on a personal level, it’s been 7 years since my brother died by suicide. In that time I’ve seen an increase in organisations and individuals supporting men - historically less likely to discuss their mental health - to be more open and know that masculinity doesn’t mean being ashamed of your mental health. I really wish more of those discussions were happening when my brother was alive, he really needed to hear them.

7) How do you think social media impacts mental health, both positively and negatively?

Oh social media is such a double edged sword in many aspects but particularly mental health. It can be a fantastic place to find support from others in communities that understand you, it can provide essential information and positive coping strategies when mental health services lack BUT it’s often unfiltered and unmoderated and in that, potentially harmful.

Many mental health issues and self destructive behaviours have a competitive element that social media heightens and that can become very damaging. Online relationships can have a difficult power imbalance when you feel responsible for the welfare of others and misinformation can spread like wildfire and create harmful narratives. 

There is a very toxic nature to too many online spaces that talk mental health and it’s definitely something that needs discussing just as much as the saccharine positivity of influencers who damage self esteem with their depictions of the perfect life. Engaging with and making content about mental health can be challenging at times and I would urge people to set themselves kind boundaries and be honest with themselves about whether the content they are consuming is beneficial.

8)What advice would you give to someone who is struggling with their mental health but is afraid to seek help?

I would say please try to believe that you are worth helping. Too often we compare our struggles to others or let ourselves get swallowed by the fear that our problems aren’t big enough, but if you are struggling to any degree and you need support, that need is always valid. If your ankle is sprained and mine is broken, your ankle still hurts regardless of my pain - so reach out and ask for help and hold onto the belief that you deserve better even if that wait is longer than ideal. 

Following on from that and on a practical level it can be very useful to have someone in your life who can advocate for you. It’s often exhausting when you are struggling with your mental health and navigating overstretched services so it can be very helpful to have a friend, family member or a professional advocate in place to ensure that everything is being done to support you. This also means having someone in that role who can make tough calls and have honest conversations should you struggle to make positive decisions for your own wellbeing.

It’s also important to know that mental health is never a one size fits all. That are so many avenues to seek support from NHS services to charitable organisations and local groups. There are many different types of therapy, medication, holistic and physical ways to improve your mental health, it may take time to see what works best for you so please don’t feel disheartened or discouraged if initial support doesn’t feel as helpful as you’d hoped.

9) Are there any misconceptions about mental health that you would like to address?

There are way too many! And I look forward to trying to tackle some via Mentis Statum! 

I think it’s really important to say there is no stock image that could show the concept of “mental health”, it’s a broad and diverse subject that we are all a part of as every person has their own mental health that can suffer at time. We should be as aware of it as our physical health and understand that just as someone can encounter unexpected physical injury or illness, everyone can struggle with their mental health. It’s a conversation we are all part of and we need to dismantle the idea that mental health or mental illness has a face.