Why is it important to talk about suicide?

Written by Eve for Mentis Statum.

 It’s a scary word: suicide, one that for too many is heavy with trauma and heartache. In the UK suicide is a leading cause of death, with 115 people dying by suicide each week. It’s estimated that 1 in 5 people struggle with thoughts of ending their of own lives which is why September 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day. A day calling for both conversation and action to prevent the number of deaths by suicide worldwide. 

Talking about suicide can feel difficult. Death is never an easy topic but the complex emotions suicide incites can make it uncomfortable to discuss. Although tough, those conversations have the power to both save lives and ease the lonely grief of those bereaved by suicide. An outdated study suggested the impact of a suicide reached 6 people in the lives of the deceased but a more recent and accurate estimate claims atleast 135 lives are touched by the devastating ripple effect of a single loss. Suicide is a cause of death that can create tough emotions for those affected. From persisting shock, to resentment, rejection and regret; losing someone to suicide can increase your own risk of self harm and can leave many feeling isolated when prevailing stigma around suicide complicates feelings of grief. If you’ve been bereaved by suicide SOBS (Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide) and Suicide&Co are two fantastic charities offering support specific to the complex pain of your loss. 

We often hear statements such as “suicide is selfish”, “suicide is the cowards way out” or the implication that suicide is a sign of weakness. There is no singular reason why people end their lives, but for each loss there is a driving factor of deep emotional pain. Financial, environmental and circumstantial stress can all feel unbearable at times with only 1 in 3 adults with a diagnosed mental health condition currently able to access treatment and support. Age, sex, race and poverty can all affect the accessibility of vital mental health support as well as stigma and shame, that still sees suicide as the biggest killer of men under the age of 50 in the UK. 

When facing intense emotional pain - often coupled with overwhelming feelings of hopelessness - decision making skills become less balanced and can lead us to the entirely false belief that the future is better without us in it. It’s vital that anyone experiencing those thoughts is able to reach out about their feelings - to a trusted person or loved one, a healthcare professional or via text or telephone helplines. Nobody should carry the weight of suicidal thoughts alone and nobody is undeserving of support to cope during those times. Though suicidal thoughts can be intense it’s important to know they are reflective of a temporary state of mind that can and will change with help and support. Suicide may be too prevalent but that doesn’t mean it isn’t preventable. 

It can feel scary to sit with a loved one’s suicidal thoughts but here are some ways to support a person reaching out:

• Ask the question. There is a misconception that mentioning the topic of suicide will ‘give them the idea’ however a much more likely outcome is that you’ll create an environment that feels safer for the person to discuss suicide without their own hesitation to introduce the subject.
• Don’t worry about saying “the right” thing. A common reason we avoid the conversation of suicide is fear of saying the wrong thing. It’s not an easy conversation for either participant but it’s important to actively listen, to show empathy and to avoid judgement. Instead of offering advice or making the person feel guilt, ask open ended questions and allow them space to share what they are going through. 
• Seek help/safety plan. It’s important for both their safety and your own peace of mind to have some sort of plan, this can vary in intensity depending on the urgency of the situation. This could be urging them to speak with a GP or mental health professional or helping them remove the means in which they would harm themselves. It could involve creating a safety plan or helping them write a list of crisis numbers for relevant organisations. Although speaking with friends and family can help, most people in emotional crisis need the support of trained professionals to aid their recovery.
•  If you suspect the person is in immediate danger reach out to emergency services. You may worry about breaching confidentiality but their life is worth more than your trust. Call 999 if you are concerned for their immediate safety or 111 option 2 to speak with a mental health professional.
• Be mindful of your own emotions. Supporting a person through crisis can be difficult, be aware of your own limitations and set boundaries when needed. Make sure you have a support network of your own to help you navigate what can be an emotionally difficult situation for everyone involved.

Whether you are supporting someone going through a crisis, bereaved by suicide or feeling suicidal yourself, awareness days can feel both helpful and hard. There is no shame in disengaging from online content that feels triggering or removing yourself from conversations that feel unhelpful. There is no shame in reaching out whenever it is needed:

Samaritans: 116 123

Campaign Against Living Miserably: 0800 58 58 58

Papyrus, prevention of young suicide: 0800 068 41 41

Childline (for children and young people under 19): 0800 1111

SOS Silence of Suicide: 0808 115 1505 

SOBS (Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide): 03001115065

Suicide&Co: 0800 054 8400